Malal(Redirected from Zuvassin)
- The Script of Malal on Himself
"... and he that went before now came last, and that which was white and black and all direction was thrown against itself. Grown mightily indignant at the words of the Gods, Malal did turn his heart against them and flee into the chambers of space... And no man looked to Malal then, save those that serve that which they hate, who smile upon their misfortune, and who bear no love save for the damned. At such times as a warrior's heart turns to Malal, all Gods of Chaos grow fearful, and the laughter of the Outcast God fills the tomb of space..."
- – from The Great Book of Despair.
"There is no greater evil than anarchy."
- – Sophocles
"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist."
- – Verbal Kint, The Usual Suspects
The character Malal was created in The Citadel Journal for second edition Warhammer Fantasy by John Wagner and Alan Grant as the patron of the Warriors of Chaos character Kaleb Daark, who allied with the forces of good to fight Chaos while pursuing his own goals by confronting Khornates and Skaven using his soul-drinking magic axe. He was sent by Malal to assassinate one of the Chaos God of Law Arianka to prove himself worthy, a story which continued in three chapters. In 1986 Kaleb and his mount were given stats in Journal and his miniature was advertised, and it along with the fourth chapter were never released for unknown reasons ("creative differences" is all that was ever revealed). Malal was referenced in several other Games Workshop works, with the Ogre Kingdoms character Skrag the Slaughterer originally being a worshiper of him (later retconned to Great Maw instead) who was cast out from his tribe for stealing an axe made of "starmetal" (later retconned to cooking his chief's favorite Gnoblar), escaping to a Chaos Dwarf hold to force them to forge him armor before slaughtering all of them, followed up by a skirmish scenario called "The Crude, the Mad and the Rusty" where the surviving Chaos Dwarf plus two Goblin Fanatics and a golem fight against him. The first edition of Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay states he is a rogue Chaos God who wants to destroy the Four, a Champion of Malal is killed by the protagonist in a short story found in the Ignorant Armies short story novels, and the Chaos Marauders cardgame had a card which depicted Beastmen preparing to fight other Chaos beings.
All in all, Malal was designed as an anti
hero villain side to Chaos who is beneficial to the side of Order but is too Chaotic Evil for any being to trust, and actively drains both friend and enemy of energy to feed himself. Serving him is advancing oblivion, fighting him is to be annihilated. Any infighting on the part of Chaos resulted in Malal growing in power, essentially introducing the concept of total war to the Warp entities. Only by cooperating and shifting their attention to the mortal realm could the other Chaos Gods escape his influence, where they found his minions waiting for them. He may've been the strongest god in the setting, or at least the most dangerous, as all the other gods feared and hated him.
During the year 1987 Wagner and Grant experienced a falling out over several comics they were producing at the time including Judge Dredd and work for DC Comics as well as several works for smaller publishers. This was followed by a sudden scramble for rights earned by them during their time creating for different companies and resulted in them suing Games Workshop for total ownership of Kaleb and Malal. Games Workshop had hired them for freelance work rather than as actual employees meaning Wagner & Grant technically owned the characters they created. If Games Workshop ever used Malal again, they would either have to pay a royalty fee or enter into a lawsuit over the ownership of the character, which they surprisingly never did. Malal was only used once more, in the The Dying of the Light campaign where a Chaos sorcerer of Tzeentch named Heinrich Bors switches to Malal in order to have control over his own fate again.
Although technically owning Malal and Kaleb, neither author has done anything with the characters, as Wagner continues to mostly write Judge Dredd while Grant now works on zombie-related stories. Despite the lengths to which /tg/ will go to bring attention to evidence of Malal's existence in the canon, he is
strictly arguably fanon for now. It's worth pointing out that Malal was "reconnected" out of Warhammer Fantasy, and that was before 40K was even a thing. He was never canon to 40K until the Sons of Malice came around (see below). That said, he still has fan popularity along with the equally oldass Chaos Gods of Law, and he appeared in Hogshead Publishing material at least as late as the 1990s.
Zuvassin the Undoer and Necoho the Doubter were created by Games Workshop to replace Malal in the "The Enemy Within" adventure for Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay during the "Something Rotten In Kislev" campaign.
Zuvassin and Necoho together represent the same thing that Malal did, the concept of Chaos destroying itself and Khorne, Tzeentch, Slaanesh, and Nurgle plus the Chaos Gods of Order each falling prey to the primordial nothingness they emerged from in the same way the mortals do into them.
Zuvassin and Necoho were only given a second mention, listed as Chaos Gods in the Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay supplement "Tome Of Salvation".
Zuvassin is a rogue Chaos God who undoes the plans of any being, Chaos or not, including Tzeentch. He accepts all followers for all reasons and doesn't issue instructions since his followers should technically be working to subvert them, so that anything Zuvassin gets involved in becomes a complete mess where nothing can be predicted and everything goes wrong for everyone to varying degrees making him the only Chaos God who embodies the concept of "Chaos". Any time you could make a list of possible outcomes for any given thing then draw in Zuvassin, the "INCONCEIVABLE" result will occur; a coin will fall through a portal into another dimension and land on all surfaces at once, a six-sided dice will crack in half while being rolled and reveal a 7 and 8 inside results, both factions in a battle will actually somehow end the day with more soldiers than they began with.
What is heavily implied to be a worshipper of Zuvassin appears in the Age of Sigmar novel "Shadespire: The Mirrored City". A Chaos Warrior named Zuvass is a major character, claiming to be the worshipper of a minor god. Fittingly all of his schemes ultimately seem to amount to screwing over everybody else. Including quite possibly himself, as its implied he's the future version of the protagonist after a time loop.
Necoho is the god of contradictions and paradoxes, and represents the "Chicken or the Egg" question where the supernatural exists and doesn't. He fights against the concept of belief and faith and as a result is the enemy of all spiritual creatures and faithful worshipers. He only ever actually appears as a simple mortal being and counts everyone and nobody to be his followers. Necoho will one day bring about the end of the Chaos Gods when nothing left will worship them and they will cease to be.
Surprisingly still canon, the Age of Sigmar short story Auction of Blood mentions an antitheist tract called "The Revelations of Necoho, or the Light of Doubt".
Legacy of MalalEdit
Both players and Eavy Metal painters alike continued to use Malal even if he had gone without a mention, and was still considered to be canon. The early days of the Warhammer forums had the discovery of Malal as something of a rite of passage for Chaos players as well. Malal paintjobs continued to show up in many Golden Demon competitions and Eavy Metal showcases alike.
With the introduction of Mordheim, a Cult of Chaos faction emerged that revolved around a character called the "Shadowlord", a being who was reputed to be a Chaos God of some kind and who had caused the ruin of the city. Many players believed him to be the return of Malal, and many early paintjobs for the Cult were in Malal's white and black skull motif. The story was later revealed to actually be a plot by Be'lakor, a mere Daemon Prince of Chaos Undivided who had wanted to escape the control of the Four and had made the ruined city his domain before realizing he had only traded one cage for a much smaller one, and slunk back to the laughter of the Four with his tail between his legs and a revisionist version of the story already in his head. In many ways Be'lakor was intended to replace Malal as the non-Four alternative to Chaos, although Games Workshop writers by this point had made Chaos the Mary Sue faction for so long that the concept of anything being a danger to them was laughable. Thus the idea of the "Chaos outsider" became just a whiny petulant part of Chaos that had managed to wreak great destruction in the mortal world while attempting, and failing, to give a black eye to his masters.
Malice was created for 3rd edition Warhammer 40000 in the Chaos Space Marine Codex. A Chaos Space Marine Chapter in Malal's colors was shown under the name "Sons of Malice", with an axe identical to Kaleb Daark's, described as being 'created to kill other beings of Chaos.' They later got a short story in White Dwarf where a Sister of Battle discovers they were a loyalist Chapter who had apparently fallen to Chaos while still fighting for the Imperium, exalting in cannibalism & blood rituals and praising 'Malice' as the god of anarchy and fear. They then proceed to cannibalize the Sister and her group, and were exiled from the Imperium for their heresy, even as they continued fighting against the other forces of Chaos. But once again, Malice was never mentioned again, although his color scheme was repeated in subsequent works.
Malal/Zuvassin/Necoho/Malice have existed in a sort of limbo in canon for quite a long time. Technically they were never retconned, and "non-canon by exclusion" is a weak accusation as that would mean every character and every event must be mentioned every edition for them to remain canon. Many statements have been given saying the Chaos Gods only exist in the Four, although this was said both before and after each "Chaos God of Piss Off" was written meaning the statement has always been a false one anyway (this isn't even going into the huge clusterfuck that Age of Sigmar has made in trying to figure out who actually matters in Chaos, not counting the one who gets all the new models). Some people have taken on the perspective that the "Chaos God of Go Fuck Yourself" is a continually shifting being, more in flux than Tzeentch and that each incarnation is comparable to Doctor Who incarnations. In this interpretation, Malal is Zuvassin is Necoho is Malice, and there's more to come still (of course Peter Capaldi is the best one.)
End Times and Age of Sigmar for Warhammer Fantasy both suggest that the concept of a fifth Chaos God is over with as in the leadup to the event Be'lakor snarked that the Chaos Gods of Law never existed and that only the Four exist, with everything belonging to them in the end. But his truthfulness is in doubt partially because even though he is the character who "never lies", this is only stated once in the 40k universe and that the reason he never lies is "because its boring", so as a result he's never been proven to really be a reliable narrator. It is also dubious because of the proven disconnect between Black Library and the actual army books, evidenced by massive contradictions during the event and the casual attitude of the writers, means that anything in said books must be taken with a huge grain of salt. Regardless, during the event when every character (that Games Workshop remembered existed) played a part, no fifth Chaos God other than Horned Rat did anything which means he and his other selves may truly be non-canon.
In Age of Sigmar, Archaon is promoted to a Chaos God (remember that Fantasy and 40k share the same Warp which exists outside of time, so Archaon is now a Chaos God by technicality in 40k as well) representing the combined strength of the other Chaos Gods as the embodiment of Chaos Undivided (with the exception of Slaanesh's replacement in the Great Game, Horned Rat, whom he rejects) and his Black Library novel life goal is to destroy all gods and kings to let men control their own destiny and exalt in their own achievements in a spectacularly Ayn Rand way. Due to his rejection of the pretender Keeper of Secrets trying to take Slaanesh's position, Archaon himself wound up being the target of worship by former Slaaneshi who in turn are empowered by him as if Slaanesh was still around (which is not gameplay/story segregation as they still have their powers in the narrative as well) meaning that he's 1/4 of the way to his goal. Although the actual army books state he is loyal to Chaos, the Black Library sources have his goals falling very much in line with the ideals of Malal, and in an accidental bit of extra-meta story extrapolation his contradiction in goal even fits into Necoho's sphere. Beyond that, Be'lakor (who styles himself as Archaon's creator and father) manipulated Archaon's entire early life, from a Warrior of Chaos raping his Empire mother and him becoming a devout priest of Sigmar, to him losing his faith and becoming a being of pure evil who rejects both Sigmar's light and Be'lakor's blackness. This blend of light and dark fits quite well into Malal's scheme.
So it may be possible that Archaon is the latest incarnation of the Malal concept, albeit as a German rapeviking this time rather than a giant boar...thing or a fat old
Archaon's endgame in Age is to somehow remove the new pantheon of Order (which includes Death and Destruction by technicality) from their Realms, which is very difficult because the "near infinite" planets that are the Realms are literally made of the old Winds of Magic (making them very chaotic and only really willing to obey the will of beings of a similar nature) with the very souls of those new gods at the cores. As a result Archaon is facing an uphill battle of trying to eliminate their armies (and all civilians, because this is Lord Edgemaster after all) then trap them and figure out a way to remove them without destroying the Realm itself all while battling against the rest of Chaos which periodically tries to backstab him despite them being his only supporters. If he achieves his goal, he will rule over all of reality (including whatever the fuck the Warp can fairly be called) as the sole being of any concept of power.
Tony Ackland was one of the artists employed by early Games Workshop to create the illustrations for their supplements and books, and they tasked him to design the Daemons that would be the models for Malal's eventual inclusion into Warhammer Fantasy as an army. The Wagner/Grant debacle left Malal in limbo with Games Workshop having never produced a model, and as a result Ackland was technically the owner of the designs he created since, just like Wagner and Grant, he was only a freelancer who owned what he made.
Not knowing about the boar appearance decided on in the comics nor the white/black color scheme, Ackland's idea for Malal combined insects with a general Chaos mutant themes (as he was the artist to quite a bit of the original Chaos Mutant and Chaos Spawn images) to produce extremely surrealist combinations of man and beast in a lean and segmented nature, featuring skeletal motifs coincidentally.
He eventually released his designs to the public (seen below in the Gallery section), then created new versions which he assigned to an unknown being called "Malign" in order to have them produced by third-party companies for sale.
According to Ackland, his version of Malal was going to be very similar to Khorne in that the two were extremely violent and focused mainly on sending warriors into combat rather than any politicking. But his version of Malal was much more elite and fanatical than Khorne, describing Khorne as the Wehrmacht (German army) and Malal as the Nazi SS. Yes you read that right, Malal's troops would basically be BLAMMMING Bloodletters for cowardice or harboring Elves.
Malice (Pantheon Of Chaos)Edit
Ackland has proceeded to partner with various people including sculptor Diego Serrate Pinilla to create a new model range and eventual wargame, Pantheon Of Chaos, which brings not only all of the Malal Daemons into production, but also all of Ackland's Warhammer Fantasy artwork he has ownership of. Malal is known as Malice (because that's a public domain name), and is exactly as originally imagined.
So players who for years have wanted their very own Malal army now can have exactly that.
When Rogue Trader was being devised and the creatures that would later form the Tyranid Hive Fleets with it, Malal was originally going to have (as had been conceived for WHFB) armies of insectoid and beast-like chimeras that would consume everything in their path, including themselves. This bought Malal's very special form of true-chaos to each game system as well as possibly the most horrific and alien of all 40K fauna.
After the planned narrative for the other four Chaos Gods to conspire to remove Malal from the warp in M36, all of them fearful that Malal was too powerful in the Great Game, Malal was to in fact be "killed" by being booted from the warp and into the material realm.
When Malal appeared in the material realm he moved into the void between galaxies, hidden from view to everyone, from the populations of the infinite galaxies of the universe that now surrounded him to the other Chaos gods themselves who were busy enjoying their assumed victory and continuing the great game. From this dark and empty space Malal devised a plan; he would create a new form of life, one that was capable of consuming all life in the material realm whilst feeding his own power. This life would then consume itself returning it's life-energy to the renegade god. In turn the Hive Fleets were born and Malal braved a sly smile.
Malal sent the fleets across the universe, entering galaxies and consuming all life and matter within; each galaxy consumed giving even more strength to the lost god hidden in the void.
Just before the 41st Millenium (Though the exact date varies throughout RT lore), Malal sent the Hive fleets into the Milky Way; slamming into the Eastern Fringe of the Galaxy. Since this initial conflict two other major hive fleets have also attacked and as the clock races rapidly towards the 42nd Millenium the galaxy finds itself assaulted from all sides by Malal's creatures.
If the Hive fleets succeed Malal will be boosted in his objective of re-ascending to the Immaterium as the most powerful god of the warp. Whether the renegade god will succeed is left open, but as the Hive Fleets continue to spread amongst the galaxies and worlds that make up the 40K universe, things do not look good for anyone, including the other Chaos Gods.
Sadly as Malal has gone from lore due to legal issues, so have the plans for his Tyranid organisms. They remain without a clear origin story. The last hint GW gave for Malal still being behind the tyranids was in 5th Ed when the tyranids were described as being "guided by a hidden intelligence far more powerful than even the norn-queens". Since then nothing, if anything, has really been said on the matter.
Followers of Malal are kind of like Chaos Agnostics. They doubt that anything exists, including the Emperor, Chaos itself, and you. Especially you. The Chaos Space Marines chapter known as the "Sons of Malice", with their alternating black/white colour scheme are as likely to kill Chaos Forces as anyone else on the field, except for each other.
Malal, when he was actually canon (the very fact that He's non-canon makes him canon), was the Chaos God of Fear, Darkness, Anarchy, and batshit loony self-destructive urges; Chaos battling Chaos. This also made him the God of paradoxes, Radical Inquisitors and the like trying to turn Chaos against itself, and the outcast god since he was trying to buttfuck every other Chaos God and their followers. The thing about Malal was that even though he was one of the biggest personifications of Chaos there could be, he constantly tried to destroy Chaos and if he were ever successful in ending Chaos he could be destroyed as well. Not that this pants-on head crazy a-hole cared, as suicidal tendencies and teamkilling just became part of his portfolio instead. When Malal gets involved, the Great Game turns from Risk to Call of Cthulhu with Old Man Henderson as the head cultist.
Since Malal was supposed to be the antitheses of Chaos he had only a few champions, all of whom were supposed to be STUPIDLY powerful and would go around bitch-slapping other Chaos champions with their anti-daemon daemon-axes of doom while wearing warp-resistant warp armor. The servants of Malal fight in utter silence, but that makes them way more badass than the rest of chaos. So yeah. They work with the forces of Order, but are fairly likely to engage in teamkilling to the degree that Orks are shocked by their sudden but inevitable betrayals. Because of this followers of Malal have to already be balls to the wall nuts and have superhuman will. Malal's trademarks were black and white bisecting armor and a horned skull equally bisected black and white. His sacred number was 11. His signature weapon was the Dreadaxe which was a daemon weapon made out of a Daemon that hates Daemons, and it looked like a pterodactyl head on a stick. You can still find examples of this weapon in the CSM 3.5 dex and in Your Spiritual Liege's wonderful fluff assassin of a Codex: Grey Knights.
Malal has a fortress in the Chaos Wastes in Warhammer Fantasy where he captures and trolls Greater Daemons by trapping them for all eternity unable to do whatever it is that they embody. This one Keeper of Secrets he has, for example, is caught in a field that nullifies all sensation so it can't indulge in cocaine fueled sex parties with Doomrider, thus eternally pissing off said daemon forever in the only way that works. He also put a Great Unclean One in a vat of disinfectant; blinded and binded a Lord of Change and put him in a stasis-field; and locked a Bloodthirster in an indestructible zen garden.
Unlike his brother gods he is capable of entering the materium/Warhammer World through demonic possession if his followers had enough sacrifices, but since his followers rarely manage to not kill each other long enough to make headway towards any particular goal it mostly falls to his Champions to get shit done.
In Age of Sigmar, Malal actually controls the space between the Realms and decides when the Realmgates will function and when they will not, plucking those he desires from the space between spaces and doing with them as he wills. Since Chaos no longer fights itself he has weakened to a degree, and must now rely on his plan to turn Archaon to his will and take the massive powers the Four invested in him which will mark the beginning of the end of Chaos.
(In 40k, Malal is actually THE ELEVENTH PRIMARCH!! Think about it: Malal's sacred number is 11, the Renegade warband Sons of Malice worship the god Malal, and the Sons of Malice also center their rituals and trophies around the number XI. And what is the number of one of the missing legions? ELEVEN. And their warband contain a large amount of unknown (Read: ANCIENT) suits of Power Armour that predate even the Great Crusade. Also, apparently, they called themselves the Sons of Malice BEFORE being declared renegades. Additionally, Horus (during the end of the Great Crusade) fucking straight says the name of one of his lost brothers is Malal!!! This could mean that The Sons of Malice are actually serious possibilities as candidates of the XI Legion! *Mind Blown*)
At one point in the 36th Millennium (though of course time is a nebulous concept in the warp), the other four gods got really sick of Malal's constant interference in their plans. While Malal was at the time the strongest individual god, the other four knew that he couldn't deal with them all at once. So Tzeentch gathered the other gods and formulated a plan to deal with Malal once and for all. So one day Nurgle knocked on Malal's door and asked Malal to step outside, at this point Tzeentch signaled the others to attack and the other Chaos Gods jumped out from behind their cover and beat Malal to death. It required about a century of constant beating, but eventually Malal died. Upon his death the other Four Chaos gods celebrated for one thousand years now that the cheese lord was out of the way. Sadly Malal's bastard offspring Malice and Zuvassin managed to slip away. However, it might be possible that Malal/Malice may just be an Alias for the Emperor, working incognito, looking into ways he can ultimately end the four-fold scourge of the Warp. It might be possible he would use "Malal/Malice", using the powers of the Dark Gods against them. That includes using the Sons of Malice(Grey Knights?). Just as soon as Kaldor stops sniffin' Warp Dust. A final theory is that he's become a sneaky git and painted himself purple to wait out until the time is right to hit the big four just hard enough to finish them (considering the current state of Daemons on the tabletop, that might not be too far off), and in the meantime manipulates Orks into fighting each other by pretending to be Gork, then Mork (or Mork then Gork?) to draw them into arguments while causing the Imperium to weaken itself by BLAMMING everyone capable of uplifting the condition of man. He probably got the idea sometime after he left a giant sword for Farsight to eventually find, but before he altered Macha's biochemistry to amp up her hormone output. In fact, the truth is much more terrifying. Malal in fact managed to travel back through time to the present, where he is now trying to manifest. This is the source of the Zalgo legends across the internet.
In Warhammer Fantasy he still exists, and is secretly sponsoring Nagash's recent rise to power. He hasn't been seen or mentioned because he's been crashing on the Horned Rat's couch after burning his own house down.
Getting Malal on the TableEdit
As Games Workshop have proven themselves to be a bunch of IP abusing assholes, it once again falls to /tg/ to get anything done.
To field rapevikings of Malal in Warhammer Fantasy, run Warriors of Chaos models on Skaven bases. Nothing like blowing yourself AND the enemy up to say "It doesn't matter". Ironically (or appropriately depending on how you look at it) one of the best ways to represent 40k Malal dedicated Chaos Marines would be to use the Grey Knights codex. Think about it; elite marine units with sick powers and a plethora of daemon killing hardware, small army sizes, and more. Take an Unbound Dreadknight spam list and use Chaos bitz for a nasty Chaos smashing elite warband of Malal followers and lolstomp your opponents into the ground. Alternatively you can use C:CSM if you aren't a cheesed-out 12 year old or Daemonhunters vet.
Daemons of MalalEdit
Have you ever lamented how you always wanted to put together a Malal themed army, but you didn't, because it wouldn't be worth it without the proper daemons? Well, now you no longer have a fucking excuse. Grown mightily indignant at Malal's lack of presence on the tabletop, several anons conspired together to bring you this. We even found models for it; they're at the bottom, listed as Hook Horrors. Play-testing would be very much appreciated.
Alternatively, modification to existing Daemon models using their original stats is fine too (a popular idea for example is a gleeful white and black Daemon Prince tearing itself in half along the color separation).
Due to the fact that there is little concrete information about Malal content, especially in 40k where he is essentially non-existent, there are a number of ways to interpret the lore into a whole. Here is the link to the fan-created rule set: Malal Daemonkin
Forces of MalalEdit
Here is some fanfluff of Malal/Malice due to how little proper fluff there is. Information is subject to change of course: Forces of Malal
Daemons of the RuinstormEdit
Book Eight – Malevolence of the Horus heresy books added a new set of rules for daemon armies with a much, much wider set of options to build from, these include 6 army wide themes called Aetheric dominions to represent the four main gods and chaos undivided, along with one called "mirror of hate" which which grants you hatred for daemons and psykers, 1 VP for each unit of the aforementioned you kill and costs you a victory point for each unit you lose, you also win automatically if you end with 0VP. Unfortunately this option doesn't give you any of the nifty extras that the others get like unique emanations and the option is literally an instant lose against a non-psyker army due to you losing VP for every unit you lose, however this fits nicely in with the fluff.
Dirges of MalalEdit
Take the rot, to make it flesh.
Take the skull, the soul to rest.
Take their mind and give them peace.
Take their will. Sensations cease.
"We shall deny Nurgle their flesh to fester and rot"
"We shall deny Khorne their blood and skulls"
"We shall deny Tzeentch their destinies and fates"
"We shall deny Slaanesh their pleasure and pain"
"Death to the Dark Gods"
"For the Renegade God"
"Let the galaxy burn!"
To the Skin, Ice
To the Rot, Fire
To the Skull, Steel
To the Mind, Night
"We are the flames that scorch the garden of rot."
"We are the waves that erode the mountain of skulls."
"We are the quakes that shatter the labyrinth of lies."
"We are the storms that rend the palace of perfection."
"We are Malice."
Followers of MalalEdit
The Sons of Malice
The Alpha Legion and their two primarchs No such legion nor primarchs exist! Of course Alpha Legion exists, but it has only one primarch: Alpharius
Suicidal people who don't want to die.
The two missing primarchs
The living dead
Us and them
Dead Sly Marbo
Your girlfriend and the guy you shouldn't worry about
You if you actually had a girlfriend
Full semi-automatic gun owners
Honest politicians It's so nonexisting term, that even Malal derps on it
Chris-chan's long-lost perfect, popular brother
Eldar units that aren't utterly overpowered
Assurances that don't leave Lord Bale cold
Vladimir Putin's estranged twin brother that isn't a complete
badass bigoted imperialist asshole THE YUGEST, INCREDIBLE, MOST AWE INSPIRING BEING IN EXISTENCE
Athiest Word Bearers
Ultramarines that deserve to live
Blinker fluid salesmen
Tyranid allies (7th edition anyone)
Ork mathematicians (a.k.a. Mathboyz)
Matt ward Fans (Newfags)
Chaos centurions and knights (Forge world made them.)
Black Templar Librarians
Celibate and Sober Slaanesh Daemon (The 5th deamonette creation)
Cheap GW models
Loyalist Dark Angels
Sorcerers that can light water on fire
Asexual and Altruistic Dark Eldar
Ahzek Ahriman DOUBLEHERESY!*BLAM*
Cool people wearing crocs
People who finish gobstoppers/jawbreakers
Justin Bieber's popular twin brother
Necrons in flesh bodies
Pacifist army ants
Commissars that don't *BLAM* their own troops.
Cuddly Night Lords
Loving, compassionate Iron Warriors
DC Comics editorial and writer staff
Kid friendly Lovecraftian authors
Safe for work pornography photographers
Eskimo cactus farmers
Jewish Nazis (ashkenatzis)
Matt Ward (himself)
Remleiz (40k theories)
Old people. after all, dying of old age is just dying of not dying.
Black KKK members
Chinese factory workers
George Soros...is this Tzeentch's thing?
/m/ after 2013
Straight guys who have sex with men.
People who like mustard-flavoured ice cream.
Malal's Favorite PastimesEdit
- No-scoping Khorne in FPSes.
- Reverting Tzeench's edits.
- putting band-aids on Nurgle's sores in his sleep and replacing his morning coffee creamer with ointment.
hacking onto Slaanesh's computer and censoring all their porn.
- "Uh, Sir? Slaanesh developed a censor bar fetish."
- Hacking onto Slaanesh's computer and deleting all their porn.
- "Uh, Sir? Slaanesh developed a censor bar fetish."
- Re-blogging old adages like "less is more," "opposites attract," and "the more things change, the more they
don'tstay the same".
- Counting eggs before they've
- Directing Mormons to the addresses of Jehovah's Witnesses, and vice versa.
- bringing spoons to gunfights.
- Winning said gunfights
- Suing his Lawyer.
- Suing his Lawyer's Lawyer
- Punching himself in the face.
- Committing identity theft and proceeding to raise the victim's credit score and pay off their mortgage.
- Driving to Schrodinger's house to play with his cat.
- Claiming to be Rule 34's exception.
- Dividing by zero.
- You know how every single awesome video on Youtube always has a few dislikes? At least five of those are always him.
- Yes, even if there are fewer than five dislikes.
- You know how every single godawful video on Youtube always has a few likes? At least five of those are always him.
- Yes, even if there are fewer than five likes.
- Just enjoying his state of semi-canonical limbo.
Dungeons The DragoningEdit
For those of you who want to roleplay with Malal, Dungeons: the Dragoning 40,000 7th Edition has Malal as a Chaos God, because of course it does. In DtD, he's the Chaos God of Teamkilling Fucktards; nobody gets along with him or his followers.
|This article contains PROMOTIONS! Don't say we didn't warn you.|
|The Chaos Gods of Warhammer 40,000 and Warhammer Fantasy|
|Four Main Chaos Gods:||Khorne - Nurgle - Slaanesh - Tzeentch|
|Other Gods of Chaos:|| Archaon - Hashut - Horned Rat - Nuffle |
Malal - Necoho - Zuvassin
|Chaos Gods of Law:||Alluminas - Arianka - Solkan the Avenger|