Ork(Redirected from Orks)
- -Da Orks, all da zoggin' time.
"War is the business of barbarians."
- – Napoleon Bonaparte
"Humies are mostly pink 'n soft, not strong and green like us orkz. And deyz alwayz arguin' over who's da boss. When one o dem wants to lord it over da othaz, dey say 'am rite speshul youz betta worship me' like dis golden yella bloke they keep praisin' or da followaz of dese weird spikey warp boyz some of dem love or dey say 'i know somethin that you lot dont so yaz betta listenup'. An den dey start scrappin' wid each other, da loony gitz. An' while dey argue, us orkz just come along and clobba da lot."
- – Anonymous Ork
The Orks are a race in Warhammer 40,000. Commonly known as "Greenskins" or "the Green Tide", they're probably the most numerous and infestive race in the entire 40K setting, or at least on par with the Tyranids. They have a Warhammer Fantasy equivalent, the only major difference being that fantasy Orks, spelled Orcs, have a (slightly) lower level of technology relative to the setting, they don't use teef as currency, and they have different attitudes, particularly when it comes to losing a fight. Because of Games Workshop's desire to keep all their properties under hard lockdown they are now called "Orruks" in Age of Sigmar... So we’re actually going back in time to when orcs were named Uruks.
Orks are the most fun faction of all for the simple reason that they are an over-the-top (even by 40k standards) band of merry misfit maniacs who like shooting shit up, chopping shit up, blowing shit up, and generally being fun-loving crazies. Laughing gleefully as they run across worlds laying waste to everything as for them, it's all a game and everyone is a player. Unfortunately for everyone else, they're the only ones who think this way and they don't realize it.
Orks are the most successful race of the 41st millennium
HERESY! WHO LET DEM HUMIES IN 'ERE?! Despite their entire lack of structured education or training, they seem to be very proficient with all kinds of technology, which they inevitably utilize for their armaments (of which firearms and vehicles are the most common). This is explained away in the fluff by their origins: they were created by the Old Ones to be a warrior race called the Krork, and some of them (the Mekboyz) were genetically hard-wired to have a pre-programmed proficiency for technological engineering. Unfortunately, the Old Ones died before they could finish their little science project; specifically the psychic control mechanism. The ancient Krork were known to have fought the ancient Eldar empire when the latter was at the peak of its power and were implied to have been a considerable threat (a Harlequin in M32 compares the nearly invincible hordes of the Beast as being like children compared to them). The only Krork to exist in the present day (one of Trazyn's exhibits) wore exo-armour that was more sophisticated than power armour and stood 12 meters tall. This means that such war machines simply fight everything, everywhere, all the time. This is probably a Warboss, if not a Warlord, as 12 meters is a bit ridiculous for a basic mook even by Warhammer standards. In principle, Orks can loot just about anything: the minor greenskins, such as "Grotz" (goblins) can construct several working vehicles and machines out of mere scrap (They actually can't but orks believe they can so it happens anyway. see: a few paragraphs below).
The Orks derive much of their success from their reproductive process: Orks are, essentially, a psychosensitive hybrid of animal and fungi, not unlike a very complex version of a lichen. One advantage is a redundancy of vital organs, making them able to easily survive events such as head transplants; it's not easy to kill an individual Ork since they could very well shrug off injuries that would cripple a human. In fact there is a Valhallan folktale about a relative finding an Ork and thawing it out only for it to attempt to kill them. Another advantage is their ability to grow larger as they win more battles (due to the aforementioned psychosensitivity): an Ork who is winning a fight is enjoying himself, which causes fluctuations in the gestalt field that all Orks generate. These fluctuations supercharge the Ork's physiology, causing the Ork to gain muscle mass and evolve. Consequently, if an Ork should somehow be incapable of fighting (like being imprisoned); they will actually devolve instead, causing the Ork to become pudgy and lethargic. This was observed during Xenology where a captive Ork was eventually found morbidly obese when the Inquisitor brought him out for dissection. Hence,the saying: "Orkz iz made fer fighten' and winnin'" applies literally in their case, as the incentives of fighten' and winnin' are what makes or breaks an Ork.
In addition, the fungal part of their physiology allows Orks to reproduce asexually en masse through underground fungal colonies that act as self-sustaining ecosystems. Reproductive spores enter the topsoil, produce fungal mycelia that assimilate base nutrients and could exchange genetic information with other mycelia, putting normal Human sexual reproduction to shame, and eventually produce lesser Orkoids: squigs and Grotz. The Grotz cultivate the protein-rich squigs in preparation for the emergence of the greater Orks, which take longer to develop. All in all, this cycle was designed to fight against the Necrons, which sterilized a planet to its bacteria. Orks can terraform a barren planet into a veritable paradise this way, though what defines "paradise" is a point of discussion; if you like endless wars and tribal conflicts in a mushroom rich planet, it probably is. IS YOU SAYIN' DERE'S FINGS WHAT DON'T LIKE FIGHTIN' FEREVER? DEM UMIES IS REEL GOOD AT MAKIN' FORTS FER US TA KRUMP, SO DEY MUST LIKE FIGHTIN'...
Though all Orks discharge reproductive spores throughout their lives, the most significant and numerous emissions occur when an Ork is dismembered or dies. Like all fungi, these spores benefit enormously from decaying matter to draw nutrients from... such as enemy corpses. This means that heavy bombardment or entrenched warfare against an Ork force just results in thousands to millions of new Orks, similarly to tyranids. The concept of "blood-lust" is especially applicable to Orks, as combat effectively serves as the Ork reproductive process (with all associated hormonal incentives).
Due to this, an Ork infestation is incredibly hard to handle if kept unchecked since it won't take them long to get enough boyz to launch a full-scale WAAAGH! to overrun an entire planet and necessitate Exterminatus. We can use flamethrowers, Plasma, nukes, melta weapons or anything high-energy to eradicate any spores and fungi, saving the world from the eventual Exterminatus, but then again, efficiency ain't manly n' grimdark enough compared to good ol' spore-releasing bolters, chainswords and artillery.
Orks only have two popular combat doctrines: choppy, which involves giving your opponents a good stomping up close, and shooty which involves spitting out as many bullets as possible with an assortment of shootas, and the faster it shoots; the better. That said, a good shoota should also still be able to kill enemies while putting out a lot of dakka, otherwise it wouldn't be killy (and woe betide an Ork who isn't killy). Because of the Ork's naturally low penchant for accuracy; they typically get around this problem in two methods: the first one is to have a gun that simply shoots bullets as fast as Orkily possible that the wielder should be able to hit something eventually (strapping two or more shootas together is a crude but effective way to go about this). The second one is to make the gun really killy every time it shoots, like putting a dangerously high-explosive shell in a kannon that can obliterate an entire building in one shot.
Orks are commonly believed to be stupid and superstitious by the other races of the 40k world, but they can also be cunning and quick on the draw. Orks are always ready for a fight and while you can trick them, they quite like the idea of tricking people back.
Their philosophy of DA RED WUNZ GO FASTA is the ultimate truth: because of the aforementioned gestalt field, Ork vehicles painted red will ultimately go faster than Ork vehicles that are not painted red, because the Orks believe that Red makes everything go faster: DIS 'UMIE GIT THINKZ DAT DA RED WUNZ DON'T GO FASTA? DEY DON'T KNOW DAT ANYFING PAINTED RED MAKES IT DA BEST AN' MAKES IT GO FASTAAAA COZ RED IZ BEST! *WHAM!* NO IT AIN'T, YA BLEEDIN' SQUIG, GREEN IZ BEST! *Boots up the bog* SHUT YER GOB, 'E WAS TALKIN' 'BOUT DA TRUKKS, YA GIT!
We can assume that this cuts both ways, with enemies such as the Blood Angels and White Scars gaining the same boost due to their use of red paint.
A hallmark of Greenskin civilization is the WAAAGH! (like "war"). A term of their oft-forgotten "true" language, deafening volume is a key part of its proper pronunciation. To this end, it is always written in all-caps, with at least three "A"s and an exclamation point. The WAAAGH! occurs when an Ork population reaches critical mass and a dominant Warboss appears. A Warboss is an Ork Alpha who is bigger than all the other Orks and have proven his right to lead by either his sheer size or krumpin' all the other big Orks that thinks otherwise. Lesser Orks sense the presence of the Boss in the Orks' psychic field and follow him on what is often described as a combination of pub riot and holy war with a dash of genocide. The WAAAGH! accomplishes two things: it weeds out weaker Orks, keeping the species strong; and it facilitates genetic exchange and reproduction as the Orks die and release spores.
The Ork economy is based on teef, more information on which can be found here.
Ork religious beliefs also help manage their population. Orks believe in two gods, Gork and Mork, which according to the Orks are engaged in a perpetual battle between themselves. One is "kunningly brutal" where the other is "brutally kunnin'", which is in itself a good summary of the Orkish race. The former (like regular Boyz) will punch anything in front of them first and only fall back on a more cunning trick if that doesn't work, while the latter (like the many Oddboyz) will try the sly trick first and only fall back on straightforward violence second. Unfortunately, no one can decide which god is which, nor can the Orks decide which is better: cunning brutality or brutal cunning. These differences of opinion tend to lead to Gigantic Brawls, yet another method of keeping the Ork race strong, warlike and in check. Their division also keeps them perpetually divided, for it has been theorized that if the Orks were to ever unite in one big WAAAGH!, their gestalt reality-warping field might just as well turn omnipotent and crush all opposition.
Ork society is effectively the perfect society. Its society is a Kratocracy (A Government ruled by the strongest, fitting for Orks) in maturity as all disputes are settled fairly quickly and painfully (just the way they like it). The economy is steady, as teef grow and rot at a reliable rate. Once a Boss is in charge, mostly everyone falls into place, and the Orks go and get shit done.
Also, they probably killed the Imperial Fists.
All of them. Scratch that, one of them survived! DAMN IT! SHOW ME DA GIT THAT LET HIM LIVE AND I WILL CRUMP HIM SO HARD HE WILL SE LAST CENTURY!
Fun fact: The orks use black and white on their shock troops, because it reminds them of the Luna Wolves who destroyed them at Ullanor. The orks do not fear death, but they do fear the Luna Wolves. That is right, Horus traumatized them as a race more than the fucking grim reaper. Note: Why would you fear death, if death usually results in you being reborn into several thousands of yourself? Horus probably swept the spores up post battle and that's why they fear him. Though it's also worth mentioning that Orks harbor a natural fear of Commander Farsight too, whom they know as "Da Red Commit". Though given that the Dawn Blade consumes the souls of those it kills, it's likely that any Orks cut down by Farsight do not reproduce. But then again he was committing Ork genocide long before he found the blade so...And of course, we can't just forget the final great fear of the Orks, Commissar Yarrick, the only normal human that can cause orks to actively PANIC. On the other hand Yarrick, Farsight and Moon-Wolfie boyz are also considered a source of prime fighting so despite being scary they actually also attract orks.
Ork Life CycleEdit
When an Ork Waaagh's they release spores into the air (this also happens after they die). Depending on how many Orkoids are on a planet this can either be negligible to a planet's environment or kick off a terraforming (Ullanor-forming) process. The main feature generated by this process are the Spawning Shrooms. These "Shrooms" like dark places similar to normal mushrooms, but are connected to the spawning of Snottlings, Gretchin, Squigs, and Boyz. Boyz created by this process emerge fully-grown from cocoons, from which they rip and tear their way out as Orkily as possible.
Keep in mind that all orkoid organisms produce spores, and any given spore could mature into any given orkoid phenotype depending on conditions. Not just orks themselves, but also gretchin, snotlings, and all sorts of fungi or squigs. Since there are enough varieties of the latter two to fill out every niche in a fully-formed ecosystem, there are quite a few thriving planets out there where the only things that aren't green are the freaking weather rocks, and occasional bright red squig, and the air everywhere is filled with perpetual shouting.
Age of Da Ork M41Edit
With the advent of GW advancing the timeline so too has the Ork timeline advanced.
- The Great Rift has been dubbed Gork's Grin by the Orks. The Warp Rifts are being used by Orks to "navigate" across the galaxy. Typically being dropped into the best fights in the galaxy.
- Old Zogwort's Wierdwaaagh! destroyed a planet with Mork's snot.
- Mad Dok Grotsnik has been leading a Painboy Waaagh that's captured Silver Templar Primaris Marines.
- Ghazghkull is blessed by Gork and Mork so much that he can use the Warp Rifts (Or some unknown means) to be at multiple places across the galaxy.
- Freebooter Warbands close in on the traitor world of Eisenfel, where Gork's fist is gonna crush da Chaos Gitz.
- Nazdreg is gonna loot a Stormsurge to prove that his boyz have the most Dakka, and surpass Badrukk's Flash Gits.
- The Antonis Crusade kills a bunch of Orks, leaving them as feral warbands, only for Night Lords and Feral Orks to destroy them.
- Death Skull Waaagh Zort loots the Necron Tombworld of Overlord Thanptek the Magnificent. Including the Overlord himself.
- Rynn's World gets Primaris reinforcements which acts as a beacon for Orks who want to Rynn's World 2: Electric Dakka-loo
- A Blood Axe Waaagh defeats the Heretic Skull Knights warband on Jakhtor. When the Blood Axes retreat its soon realized that they are waiting for the Imperial reinforcements to arrive so they can get a proppa' fight.
- Krooldakka has lead a Speedwaaagh! on the planet of Vigilus. Leading to Ork death racing while waiting for the planet's defenses to weaken. Which happens and leads to the new 40k world wide campaign(we hope).
Occasionally, if a "tech-caste" gets into control of an Ork society, ridiculous constructions can result. Best example we know about is the Telon Reach Empire and its central stronghold Gorro. A "scrapworld", Gorro was full of things that shouldn't have worked at all (Horus notes that individual bits of architecture inside were just too mad for any human to contemplate) and could withstand the normally planet-killing weapons on the Vengeful Spirit and Imperator Somnium (the Emperor's own flagship). The Orks defending it were far more advanced than most (everything from their augmentations to the accuracy of their ships' weapons) and had actually built a plasma reactor to hold their world together. Their function mostly relied on the Orks' gestalt, as the core began to fail as the Emperor, Horus and their respective posses carved through the population. Once the Emperor killed the resident Warboss and psychically burned the rest of the Orks (a preview of what he'd eventually do to Horus) the system went into total meltdown.
How Ork Technology works is up for debate. As written Ork technology is beyond comprehension by the majority of races. Their weapons/tech work and other races can use them, but not as effectively. Techpriests have taken apart Ork guns and reassembled them to what they assume is the same configuration only to find that they don't work any more. This leads to two schools of thought on Ork Technology.
The Anzion Theorem of Orkoid Mechamorphic Resonant Kinetics - Every Ork is a PsykerEdit
The Anzion Theorem postulates that Ork technology works mainly because the Orks think it does. The explanation is that the subconscious gestalt psychic field that all Orks generate enables their technology to function; the stronger the field, the more unlikely their technological achievements become. In older versions of the fluff, if you hand an Ork a pipe and convince him it's a gun, it WILL shoot bullets. They're like reality-warping Physical "Gods", only weakened by their stupidity and their preference to fight each other instead of uniting, hence why the Imperium still manages to survive in these dark times. In later versions, this has been toned down from "impossible" to merely "unlikely" because GW won't keep anything canon that's that badass. If Ork technology is held together by spit, duct tape, and hope, then the Orks' psychic field provides the hope.
For example: a Wartrukk with a mob of Orks in it sputters and dies. Da boyz hop out and have a look. One of da boyz examines the readouts and says to the Nob driver, "Da bloody fing is outta gas!" Said Nob hits the offending Ork in the face so hard that he falls unconscious. "Look 'ere, I'z da boss, and I sez I filled this fing up righ' before we left!" The rest of da boyz look at each other, halfway convinced. He is the biggest Ork among them, and he did just prove it. Maybe he did fill it up right before they left. That's the sort of thing one does when one's in charge. Da boyz begin to file back into the Wartrukk, and with a satisfied nod, the Nob gets in and cranks her up. Because da boyz believe that there is plenty of fuel in the truck, one drop does for ten, and the Wartrukk and da boyz arrive just in time for the next fight.
The purpose for this sort of thing is primarily to compensate for the Orks' technological disadvantage by comparison with races like the Tau, Necrons, or the Eldar. For example, a meat cleaver in the hands of an Ork can tear through the toughest ceramite armor if the Ork believes it will; for anyone BUT an Ork, a power weapon or the equivalent would be required to do so. This tends to work well for them, but not for the other races of the galaxy: Imperial observers note that Ork weapons generally will not function in the hands of a non-Ork. The only reason the Orks haven't exploited the limits of their generated gestalt field by creating easily made but devastatingly powerful weaponry that could eclipse the weapons of the other races is that they themselves do not know nor understand that they create said field, they believe that their equipment works because that's how the universe wants it to work, not because they themselves are making it work. Which I guess makes it true. This, in turn, makes for an interesting paradox: If orks managed to understand the physical universe as it is, they would not believe their "weapons" work, thus, stripping them of their psychic advantage. If there is a little ounce of disbelief, this would wreck their ability to... believe hard enough so as to manipulate reality.
This said, Orky know-wots DO have a say in stuff that the Orks build. Mekboyz build much of the stuff they do because they have been genetically ingrained with the knowledge on how to make and maintain their technology. While much of their tech runs because they want to, the basis is that the Orks can actually build a conceptually working frame to get all Orky on. This explains how Orks can build such technological wonders as the Shokk Attack Gun, which propels Snotlings through the Warp and into the armor, tanks, and bodies of their enemies. Also, there have been instances of Ork tech working well in the hands of other races,( at least for a time till it blows up). Be careful though, most Ork players have very deep-set opinions on how Orky tech works, and debates between them can generate much RAGE.
This argument becomes
unstable interesting when looked at too closely. In particular, if this was the case Psykers would be able to combat Ork technology more effectively. In fact if Orks created a Psychic Field then Sisters of Silence could easily destroy it, causing Ork constructions to not work. Unless Orks psychic field is completely unrelated to warp energies. Which would give us a very interesting part of lore. However, keep in mind on the tabletop that Sisters of Silence dont flat-out destroy all warp energies. They certainly negate it, but its perfectly possible for a psyker to get a good roll and fire off a smite into his target. And if all the Orks are really psykers, then they'd probably overpower the negative-energy shield the sisters have. We know Orks DEFINITELY have a Psychic Field, and the Sisters don't seem to be effective against it unless we are talking weirdboyz, which seem to be kind of border case. Also, WAAAAGH energy is something almost completely different than the psychics other races use, and it tends to ignore/negate some of the restrictions other psykers have. That would suggest that the Old Ones when creating Orks' ancestors actually used some other form of psychic phenomenon that is unrelated to or isolated from the warp somehow. This might suggest that orks' gestalt psychic field is actually very advanced form of technology similar to that used to create the webway (which is basically parts of the warp that are isolated from the warp itself) or alternatively that there is some kind third reality/energy/metalevel that is not related to the warp or reality but intersects both (because we know orks' gestalt field works as well in the warp as in reality, evidenced by their starships traversing the warp and functioning). In the end we do not know but there is something in there. Probably. Or it could all be powered by a bunch of grots duct-taped together. Who knows? In the end, we should look at it like the Ork's themselves. If it works, who cares? Worrying about it just means less time krumping gits.
Orks and the EmperorEdit
An extension of the "All Orks are Psykers theory is that the Emprahs continued existence (despite the fact his throne is in serious need of an MOT) is the fact that the Orks BELIEVE it to be so. As any self-respecting Weirdboy will tell you, what da boyz fink will 'appen 'appens (see below), so if they think the Emperor is still alive then alive he will be. Probably cos they're not stupid enough to realise he's a corpse more fucked than a Slaaneshi cultist at Ciaphas Cain's place.. 'ANG ON A SECOND.. I FINK DEY BE MAKIN FUN OF US...WELL.....MAYBE WE OUTTA GO STOMP SUM HUMIES! (that's right, the "chaos boys" are messing with you orks, go stomp them in the name of the Emp... For the WAAAGGGHH!. ahem..)
Orks and YarrickEdit
Another stupid theory. Yarrick is still alive past the normal age for humans because Ghaz and his boyz think he should.
Not that he is taking rejuvenation treatments to extend his life like any other hero of the Imperium. Also Orks believe a glance from Yarrick can kill them so it does. Not that he's heard the story and decided to equip himself with a bionic eye with a laser to scare Orks. Clearly Yarrick will live longer than the Emperor due to Orks believing in him...
Ork Technology is More Advanced than it SeemsEdit
Cultural collapse, reorientation of belief systems in the aftermath of a renaissance can provoke magical thinkin' in previously rational beingz... - Talker, Madboy on the subject of the Adeptus Mechanicus
On another perspective. Looking over the Ork codices from old to new the only record of Orks willing technology to work is one line in which a techpriest says "Well if we can't figure this out it must be magic". In fact the only source besides that codex entry is this 1d4chan page... All other lore being from the Techpriest perspective. The Ork Codex points out that Mek Boys and Big Meks are genetically engineered by the Brain Boyz/Old Ones to know how technology works. In "Evil Sun Rising", the Big Meks who created the Stompa Fat Mork don't remember how they created their super compact, miniature red sun engine. The implication is that as the Meks worked together that it unlocked the technology. This might mean that the Brain Boyz/Old Ones programmed the mek genetics to gain access to bigger and better equipment when the army is at a proper size to create and maintain such weaponry. As Ork numbers grow and Waaaghs become bigger more technology is unlocked. The Gorkanaut and Morkanaut walkers are unlocked when Meks begin thinking that a Great Waaagh is coming along.
Ork technology is special in many ways, while crude and impossible from an outsider perspective almost all of Ork technology is based on the idea of looting the enemy technology. They are the apex scavengers and can create weapons from the technology of the Imperials, Tau, Eldar, Necrons, and even the biotechnology of the Tyranids. It could be guessed that the Brain Boyz wanted Orks to be able to adapt to any battlefield and be able to resupply without need of supply lines. In this way Orks don't need to wait for a spaceship to drop a Titan to the battlefield for back up, instead they can build one out of that broken humie one.
And this is BEFORE we even consider what the hordes of the Beast were able to do that no other concurrent faction could, such as create Void Shielded Deff Dreads, Ork Ambassadors, and teleporting attack moons into the Terra's orbit.
HOWEVER there are a few holes in this theory. First one must remember that the Imperium is not the only faction to try and study/retrofit Ork technology. The Tau for instance, who easily have a much greater understanding of science and engineering, can't figure them out either, although how many innovations the Tau could get from the Orks if they obeyed any kind of physical laws like Teleporters, Warp Drives etc is debatable, with the answer being probably none. Tau technology hasn't necessarily improved improved (merely been used in ways inspired by the Imperium) since the Damocles Crusade and the Tau as a whole don't really seem to advance (and Warpstorms around their homeworld fucked with time). There are theories about that on the Tau page. The second thing to keep in mind is that Orks are often not working with materials that should allow them to do what they end up doing. Finally there's the big elephant in the room of Colorz; real life physics obviously dictates that red paint doesn't make things go faster, yellow does not make explosions bigger,and of course purple is one of the least stealthy colors.
Special Note on Orky VehiclesEdit
To properly describe what Ork vehicles are like is a difficult prospect, or perhaps an overlooked opportunity. Either way, few actually attempt to clarify in tangible terms what orkish vehicle-makers create.
Let's start with the venerable Trukk. Keep in mind that the standard Ork Boy is a hunched, monstrous, 7-foot-tall Hulk Hogan. Now, the Trukk is essentially an over-sized, skeletal pickup truck, with armored bus tires and a spiked ram-plate for a bumper. The frame is then covered in all manner of inch-thick armor plating, the basic standard in orkish vehicle armor. No Ork vehicle with more than two wheels has an engine smaller than a V8, and the trukk is no exception. A common brag for a trukk owner, "I'z put twelve silenderz in dis 'ere kart" (when not met with the classic "You shoulda sprung fer forteen!" comeback), is similar to a human saying he put an extra two cylinders in his car and overhauled his transmission.
Larger orkish vehicles, like the Big Trakk, often use V14 engines that any human would say belongs on a fishing trawler. Alternatively, some vehicles use turbine engines for extra torque (which is always a good thing) and a higher top speed (also a good thing), or crackling electrical engines (less popular than a good-old combustion engine, but can "accidentally" taze pesky Lootas or enemies who get too close (i.e. rammed)). Big Trakks are literally the size of a heavy tank, but are completely open-topped to provide a chassis for hauling Boyz or insanely big gunz into the fight. They have banks of fat-tired wheels or, most likely, four-plus-foot-wide treads. They have as much torque as a Battle Wagon and fear no infantry.
Special Groups of OrksEdit
Apart from the regular Boyz, there are several groups of Orks who specialize in a specific task or doctrine. Called Oddboys (if they are relatively normal when fighting time rolls around) or Weirdboys (when they shoot lighting out of their eyes, gunz or eye-gunz). The most common ones are:
This category is filled with Orks who express genetic predispositions to certain tasks. Here are your Mekboys (engineers), Painboys (doctors), Weirdboys (psykers), Madboyz (psychos), Slaverz/Runtherders (take care of grots, snotlings and slaves), Brewerz (makers of alcohol; retconned), Rockaz (musicians; also retconned), and Shoutaz (communications experts).
Kult of SpeedEdit
Speed freeks who commonly go into the battlefield on bikes hyped up on dakka and flashy bitz, as their name suggests, they'z like goin' faster dan fast. On tabletop, they're okay, since they're really shooty for Orks and fairly cheap. These guys field the classic Mobile Ork Army, which causes loads of Butthurt and Rage when people go up against them. Just look out for Lascannons.
- Flyboys - Crazed pilots that like fast vehicles, death defying stunts, and lots of dakka. The better pilots, fighta aces, are held in great esteem only by other flyboys and tend to give themselves crazy-cool nicknames.
Burna boyz are similar to standard orks in ability, possessing no unique qualities except every one of them being a pyromaniac. These boys are the type who would burn their own mother alive if she tried to stop them from playing with matches, even though Orks technically don't have moms. As such, they regularly burn their own comrades for the hell of it (to see them 'do da burny dance'). Their obsession with fire is of course, genetically coded, and this has a particular disadvantage during periods of time where stealth is of the essence. In fact, this pyromania coupled with the rate of accidental deaths among Orks may explain why Burna boyz aren't more common; after all, an Ork that accidentally burns himself to death wouldn't be able to spread his spores so easily. On a more lighthearted note, they are also quite fond of fungus cigars! GREEN IZ BEST
Meks are Orks who are capable of making the ramshackle yet effective weapons and vehicles the Orks use. They're primarily the ones who make the warband's wagons, restore salvaged vehicles, and create/modify weapons. An Ork who lead bands of Mekboys is called a "Big Mek", and is a bitch to kill on tabletop if he's kitted out. Five-up cover saves for everyone! 'Ho says we aint smart 'n' such! Only fing betta den an ork is an ork wif a good bit of technorkology
Basically Orks medics, a Painboy's instinctive understanding - and obsession - is with medicine, anatomy and surgery. Unlike the Meks above who are seen with something like reverence, other orks think Painboyz are dangerous and won't go anywhere near them unless they really have to. This is because, like the Mekboyz, Painboyz are driven mostly by their urge to explore and experiment and aren't very good at concentrating on what they're supposed to be doing. Which is okay when the Mek tinkers with a piece of gear, but a lot worse when the Dok starts poking around inside a body and removing bits at random just to see how it works.
Many Orks enjoy the odd explosion. These guys like that so much that they decided what better way to get their kicks than to get into a nice squad of 5-15 boys and try blowing tanks sky high with their rokkits. They also train Squigs to run into tanks while strapped to the hilt with explosives. And if neither of that works, run into close-combat and strike the tank with a rokkit attached to a metal stick. They get so high off this that they will enter the broken vehicle, eat any survivors, and drink the motor oil in a ritual act known as "GETTIN' TANKED!"
Lootas are Orks who are obsessed with pimping out their shootas by salvaging bitz from their enemies. Lootas are critically important to Orkish mechanical industry, because they head salvage operations and assist Meks where Grots can't. They're also the ones who loot wrecked tanks and vehicles after a battle to use as Looted Wagons, with the help of Mekboys, which means Orks can remobilize rapidly, and scale up to match tank-driving foes.
When not fighting or looting, Lootaboyz are a menace to Orky society, stealing, swindling, making trouble, and being REAL BACKSTABBIN GITs the reason other Boyz can't have nice things. WOT?! YIZ SAYIN' DERE'S TIME WHEN DA ORKZ AIN'T FOIGHTIN' OR LOOTIN'?! I OUTTA GIVE YA A STAMP!!!
DA PIMPIEST ORK IZ DA BESTEST ORK!!!!!! Dat is why dey arrogant Gits. Wot you Sayin Ya Git Any good Krumpin is a Krumpin no matter da klan doing it
. They are another group of shoota-obsessed Orks known as "Flash Gitz"; rich, obnoxious Bad Moonz gits who buy powerful weapons and upgrades using their large stockpiles of teef. They love nothing more than showing off their wealth and (supposedly associated) martial power. They do things like wearing FABOLOUS clothing, sporting huge banners declaring their awesomeness (shogun-style), and plating everything they have in gold, silver, platinum, or any other shiny metal they have at hand (although gold is preferred). Goldz iz da bestest. Flash Gitz boast the shootiest kustom shootaz in all of orkdom, sometimes known as "snazzgunz", which makes them an invaluable asset to their clan. Conversely, due to their boasting and attitude problems they often alienate pretty much every other Ork they work with, and are prone to getting their arrogant asses booted out of their group the moment they become less useful than annoying.
Orks who raid and pillage the galaxy as MOTHERFUCKING PIRATES. And just to add to their awesomeness, they'll usually dress and/or speak like pirates. (W)AAARG! Well-known individuals include Kaptins Badrukk and Bludflagg.
Orks who managed to figure out that charging a gunline isn't always the best option, so dey'z da sneakiest of da Orks. In practice, all of this boils down to a fairly simple difference in tactics. Whereas a normal Ork Boy will see the enemy and immediately shout, run up to him, and smash him in the head, a Kommando will see the enemy, hide behind a nearby bush/barrel/lamp-post and wait for the enemy to get close like 5 feet to 2 meters, THEN shout, run up to him, and smash him in the head. They typically paint themselves purple, which Orks believe is the sneakiest color (and because Orks are Orks, purple does in fact make them harder to see ... don't ask how the fuck that one works, it just does Hav you eva seen a purpul ork? Course not, dey's too sneaky .)
Kommandos rely on stealth tactics rather than balls-out firepower, and achieve this by using crude camouflage techniques, Speshul Forces equipment such as night-vision goggles, various types of grenades, and all those other gubbins that makes them all sneaky. However, their best weapon is often that the concept of Orks using tactics beyond drowning their enemies in corpses and bullets is so completely out there that a lot of Imperial commanders do not believe that Kommandos actually exist, which actually make their job easier to pull off. The Imperials quite often find out the very hard way that some orks have both brains and brawn. For instance, nobody laughed when a Kommando unit suddenly hi-jacked a unit of three Deathstrike Missile Launchers inside a Mordian regiment's lines drove one to the front and proceeded to launch it at the their front lines, killing thousands, including a Baneblade (Except for the Orks, who laughed their faces off as this was happening). Meanwhile, the Kommandos ran off with the remaining one and two extra missiles.
Kommandos are typically distrusted by other Orks due to their chosen battle strategy. They view as sneaking about rather than getting straight to a fight, right and proppa as "Muckin' about". The enjoyment of the color purple among them is also considered right strange. As dere ain't no such thing as a purple ork!
An ork asked about Kommando groups: "I dinna see anyfing... Do you?"
Hidden away in GW fluff are these guys. These guys are what happens after a WAAAGH! has left your planet. They crop up in wildernesses and form tribes. They don't have technology (like shootas) or any kind of mekboys or even good resources to build junk. They are roughly on par with your Fantasy Orks, so you can just use your Fantasy army in 40k if you can fluff your army right. Not like it matters, it's the same tactic either game. They tend to have Grots, Kommandos and Weirdboys coming out of their ears, and love to ride big squigs. If you don't prune them back to the forest well enough, they might sic buttloads of squiggoths on you. Snakebites love these guys, and if space-born Orks pick them up, Feral Orks usually become Snakebites anyway.
They breed a special kind of Oddboy, the Pigdok, who is a combination of a Mek and a Dok, but excels at neither. They do surgical procedures like a stereotypical medicine man, wander around covered in robes and talismans given to them by the Weirdboy Shamans, and head the construction of things like ballistas and catapults, all the way up to magical stompy Idols and the Steam Gargant.
Weirdboyz are Orks who are active psykers. All Orks are passive psykers, emitting their WAAAGH!! gestalt field, but Weirdboyz are the only ones who can decide they're gonna blow another Ork's face off with a mean look and a lightning bolt (and get it to actually happen). They tend to be crazy and can blow up if they're not careful. Even when they are careful. Sometimes blowing up is the preferred/expected option for a Weirdboy. Amusingly, most Weirdboyz are 'cowards', in the sense that they know bad things happen whenever they get into a fight alongside a bunch of other Orks so they try to avoid doing that. The other Orks are often forced to drag them along.
All following Ork Oddboys have been retconned, at least by GW's word. They live on in our hearts (and custom-models) as:
Rogue Trader Orks with a penchant for hard rock, metal, leather armor, and overgrown hair squigs. While still technically retconned, they do seem to keep cropping up in the fluff. Also known as Goff Rokkas, these boyz tend to come out of the Goffs exclusively, but it isn't completely unknown for other Clans to spit out one of these crazy green "musicians". They play machine gun guitars and PARTY 'ARD!!! It should be noted that Rokkas were invented in the Eighties, so they don't play things like Death Metal as much as they do generic Metal, 80's Metal, electric guitar ballads, and Hard Rock. (note: the Goff Rokkas essentially make the Dawn of War III ork theme canon)
These orks have over-developed lungs and super-strong vocal cords so that they can yell really loud. Yes, you heard me right. They yell across Gargant-tops and over battlefield din to act as a telecommunications array.
See, not all things that were retconned were too good to last. SHUDDUP STOOPID HUMIE, WHUT DO YOU KNOW?!?!?! SHOUTAS IZ DA BEST!!!!!!!
YOU'Z CALL DAT SHOUTIN'? YOU'Z AIN'T A REEL SHOUTA, YA GIT!
A REAL SHOUTA
DROWNS OUT DA
I'z prefur sneekin' up to some hummie and shoutin' in iz ear from reel gut close.
Anyone caught messing with this section again will get their shit handed to them. Do you know how fucking hard it is to make sure this shit is right? I can't do this AND dodge those fucking Orks. I'm a janitor, and a FUCKING BENDY PENIS!
See, iffin' you'z had sum of dat purpley paint, dis wouldn' be a problem now, would it?
'e got youz good, e' did. aneewayz da squigs ated da inturn again. Git ta cleenen dat wod ya.
I 'erd dem cleanin' orks do wat they do and don't even want no teef for it
Again, not technically retconned, but never mentioned after about 3rd Edition. Brewerz, or Brewer Boyz function much like Mekboys or Mad Doks do, knowing the ins and outs of brewing through genetically inherited intuition. They make alcohol out of squigs. Made everything from beers to malts to meads to liquors to scotches. Yes, certain squigs can be made into scotch. No, no grains are involved in the process. No, they've never done this in Scotland. No, you may not question this.
SQUIGGIE WALKER - RED LABEL! COS IT ZOGZ YOU IN DA BRAIN FASTA!
Eend out of mashrooms too booss!
Basically, they brew babies into beer sometimes.
HERESY, ORK HERESY, ANY IMPERIAL CITIZENS WILL BE MURDERED ON SIGHT AFTER READING THIS. *WHAM* OY BOSS, DEM HUMIES IZ TRYN'A TAKE AWAYZ OUR SQUIG JUICE!
Zoggin DAMN'IT! NOT AGAIN!
MY EYES!!!! THEY BURN!!!
Vaguely referenced in older fluff and glimpsed during Blood Bowl, sacrificed because nobody wants to see those canonized saggy Ork tits (Except /d/), and fucking whores (and ye mum). Suffice to say, some drawfags will still draw them and several on /tg/ will doubtlessly fap to it. Considering how many random mutations are seen amongst the Orks, the possibility is more likely than you'd think. In normal canon, Orks are asexual, popping out of fungal growths in the ground...
...but in the older fluff, when the Orks were basically Fantasy Orcs in space, there were female orks. Later fluff retconned this, so that in later parts of their life cycle Orks would temporarily develop sexual characteristics and go bang one another. For the sake of Games Workshop's writers' self-respect, this too was also retconned. And all but the drawfags are happy for that. All in all though, the idea of female orks or goblinoids of any sort is much more readily accepted across most genres involving greenskins of any sort, so the decision may more likely have been to make the Orks dependent on getting blown up to repopulate along with being hardlined for blockbuster style war (though, as with all evolution, this is mutable to change, as there are Orks like the Blood Axes who understand ideas like trading with da' humies', peace, and using functional armor and weapons that don't stop working just because da' mob' believes dey are useless. SEE, HUMIES ARE GUD' F'R SOME FINGS BUT NOT EVERY FING!).
Oi'm twalf an' wots dis? DAT GIT WAZ KRUMPED FOR DIS POST.
Not seen since the heydays of second edition and Epic 40k, although they're still mentioned here and there in the fluff. Madboyz are Orks that go crazy under the mental strain of knowledge encoded in their genes suddenly becoming available, their behavior becoming erratic and unstable even for Orks. The other Orks often round them up into a large warband that is set loose upon the enemy, in the hope their madness will prove useful or at least entertaining. (In game terms you rolled for their actions randomly, and it could vary from outright fleeing to going absolutely berzerk and charging forward while ignoring wounds.)
Brain Boyz is how the Orks call the Old Ones. The retcon is that the Orks' origin has shifted around a few times, such as the Brain Boyz being the ancestors of the Snotlings (although the Orks still believe that, but it's no longer the official explanation it was in Rogue Trader).
(OBJEKSHUN! Dat'z still canon! Codex 7th ED 2014 and we'z seen it in the one before dat un!!! What shrooms did ya zoggin' gits eat?!)
Oi, listen up ya gits. Dere's six diverant majah clanz of Ork, and dey's all right 'ard. Da clanz waz made way back by the biggest, baddest warboss dere eva waz, startin' out as his specialist boyz before dey became dey own klanz.
- Dere's da Snakebites, and dey'z a buncha fundie gits what won't use any teknowlogy more complicated den a choppa an' warpaint. Anytime dere's a world dat a WAAAAAGH smashed up, it gets full o' fundie boyz. When we pick em up, dey run off ta da Snakebites anyway instead o' learnin how ta fight propa. But dey got squiggoths, an' every WAAAAGH needs really big killy tings. Snakebites wear brown, like a buncha zoggin' humie 'Armish folk.
- Da Bad Moonz, what gotz lotsa teef 'cause dey grow faster den any other orks, so dey'z a buncha rich gits. 'at meanz dat dey's got da best squigs and dakka, but since dey'z such lazy gits, dey's no good at choppin' an' stompin', so other orks can always just find a Bad Moon and stomp his teef out. Bad Moonz wear Yella, da color a big booms and shiny bits.
- Goffs are the fightiest of all da Orkz. Dey'z always fightin', especially wif eachother - it's a rare Goff dat hasn't killed atleast somefing every day of his life. Dis constant fighting makes dem da toughest an' meanest of all da Orkz. Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka 'imself wuz a Goff. Dats why he's so big, 'ard, an mean. Goffs wear black, da color a bein' DED 'ARD!
- Da Evil Sunz're all part a da Kult a Speed, and dey've got da most Meks, so dey're always muckin' about with teknowlogical equipment an speedy karts. Deyz big believas in da color red, cuz RED 'UNZ GO FASTA!
- Deffskullz are a buncha teevin', lootin' gits what'll grab anyfing
what's not nailedif it's nailed down dey'll loot the nails den loot da fing wot was nailed down an' make it orky. Anyfing. Even in da middle of a scrap. Da mekz loves em, though, cuz nobody'z got more bitz and gubbinz than a Deffskull Loota. Deffskullz all seemz ta have some kinda technikal know-wotz, dough. Deffskullz wear da color Blue, cuz Blue's a lucky color.
- And, last of all but not least, dere's da Blud Axez. Dey're da ones what've been hangin' around da stinkin' humies fer ages too long, and gone and developed all sorts a un-orky tings like taktiks an' recownasense an' camo'flage an worse of all da magikal and feared cry of retreat. Dey've even got a sayin' bout it: "If we runs for it, it don't count as losing, cuz we can also come back for anuvver go, see?" Dey'z mocked as cowardly gits by most of da boyz, but cause dey be dead cunning dey'z da main source of da best warbosses in WAAAAAAAGH! time (Next ta Da Prophet him self). An' its alwayz WAAAAAAAGH! time, ya git! Blud Axez wear cammerflage, but at least they paint it nice an' bright so's you can see'em coming.
- Den dere's da Freebootaz, boyz wut left deir klan ta become merks an' piratz an' dat, Freebooterz iz often kicked o' deir klan for likin' sumtin' dat izn't violence more dan violence, like Kaptin Badrukk (teef), Wazdakka Gutsmek (goin' fast), or Zodgrod Wortsnagga (snotlings), but some leave o' deir own accord for similar reasons, like Kaptin Bluddflagg (loot). Freebootaz will even work for stupid 'umies for shinies (or hats), though dat don't mean dey won't turn 'round an 'ave a go at dem too.
- Feral Orkz are like Snakebites, but coz dey don't have a choice, what with not 'avin' access to Ork kulture seein' 'az dey don't have space travel. Often join the Snakebites as soon as dey'z recruited by a WAAAAAAGH.
- Speed Freekz is what you call da members o' da Kult o' Speed, a klub any Ork what likes goin' fast a lot can join, not just da Evil Sunz.
What is the measure of a Klan?Edit
It's easy to think that Ork Klans are just galaxy-spanning groups of like-minded Orks; like there's just six huge fucking groups of Orks around the galaxy but as we all know, if Orks were that united, the rest of the races would have a real big problem on their hands. Ork Klans are more like six types of Ork personality that might have been engineered into the Orks way back by the Old Ones or created by the Beast's Legions in M32. Maybe they appeared on their own, who knows.
Let's take a random Ork Boy as an example. All Orks love a good scrap, looting and of course dakka. However, the individual Ork Boy tend towards one type of Orkitude over others. Maybe he's more into crashing into his enemies at high speeds (which would make him an Evil Sun) or maybe the looting after the battle is his jam (making him a Deff Skull). As a single Boy in a large mob, his preferences doesn't really matter - he'll just have to follow his Nob or get krumped - So it is the leaders and/or majority Klan of an Ork warband who'll decide how the mob acts. So a large horde of Orks led by a Goff Warboss will likely use black and white paint on their stuff and prefer melee combat like Goffs would, but that doesn't mean that every single Ork in the mob is a Goff.
When Orks gather for Waaaghs they tend to form new mobs that are actually comprised mainly of one Klan of Orks. The large amount of Orks in the Waaagh makes it easier for them to organize themselves into groups of similar interests. That's where the huge Mad Max-esque hordes of Evil Sunz Bikers and Trukks on Armageddon come from.
- Humie/Umie: Human
- Beakie: Space Marine
- Spikey Boy: Chaos Corrupted individuals
- Panzee: Eldar
- Git: Generic insult/Anyone who ain’t being “Proppa Orky”
- Choppa: Literally any melee weapon, even a bludgeoning one
- Shoota: Two-Handed ranged weapon that fires a whole lotta dakka real fast.
- Slugga: One-Handed ranged weapon, more useful for making noise than for hitting things.
- Blasta: Two-Handed ranged weapon that isn't some kind of shoota. Ex. Kustom Mega Blasta.
- Grot: A gretchin/An alternative insult to git
- Snot: A Snotling, a Snot is usually a Midget/Young Gretchin.
- Drops/Bog: The communal toilet, where orks relieve themselves. Also filled with squigs and mushrooms.
- Squig: Short for "squiggly beast". Various symbiotic creatures encountered around orks. Grown from the same spores as orks and grots.
- Krump: Beat up and/or kill.
- Kustom: Specially made and/or customized gear, usually reserved for Nobs, Bosses, and Flashgitz.
Ork Daily LifeEdit
Morning. GET UP! Doesn't matter when. But usually in the mid morning, -unless a nob kicks him in the face cause he is late for something, which he usually is. Next eat. Either the breakfast his pet grot brings him or the grot itself. Orks don't much care it all tastes the same dipped in mud and fried on a stick chased with some fungus beer. Hit the drops. Yes the communal act of using the local bog. Literally. He might get a scar on his duff to show off if the Squigs are feisty that morning. Then swagger about and try to find new things to kill. Or new ways to kill things. This lasts till about noon.
LUNCH! Fungus rums and beers. Squig pies and mushroom fries. Plenty of fights break out at lunch usually from a loota stealing another Orks 'sweet-squig' dessert. Or some nob mouths off when drunk. Either way LUNCH! Next nap time/ wrekreation. Most Orks, having spent a very busy day trying to think up new ways to kill or new things to kill, will take a nap. Usually the average rank and file lad who has nothing better to do. It is around now that the more specialized Orkoids shall gather in their respective mobs and set about spending afternoon and early evening doing what they do best. Be it practicing blowing crap up if tankbustaz. Racing around the camp as speed freaks. Helping the meks if lootas or burnas.
Hiding in plain sight if kommand- Move along, nofink to see 'ere.
WORK TIME! The boss or local big mek or Warp'ead bullies most everyone around the camp center and gets up on his WAAAGH!!! Banner-tower and starts to bark out orders on what they will attack that night, or where they will hit to steal material to build his next projekt, or give a flashy psycho-pyrotechnic light show during a prophetic chant. (though sometimes if no one got up till half past 5 they plan it during the early morning.) Depending on the Clan majority this can be as simple as "Smash dis!" (A goff) to "Ok Dis team needs ta be 'ere right when da rockets hit Or we wont-"
(Yeah Blood axes dont know when to shut up) *THUMP* ZOGGIN' 'Umiez.
Midnight DA ORKING HOUR! Do what was stated in the evening until they get tired and go home to bed. It don't count as failing cause they will try again tomorrow. Or pull it off and party all night (to the dismay of the defeated) until they pass out.
Even the Daily Life of the Ork is a miniature WAAAGH!!!
Reasons it Rokks to be an OrkEdit
- We'z gotz a shiney new 8th ork-dition Codex-fingy, an dis time it's tourny-viable!
- We'z da biggest an' da strongest.
- We'z made fer fightin' an' winnin'.
- We'z got more boyz dan anyone else.
- All an ork eva wantz to do fo'eva iz to keep fightin', winnin', an' lootin'.
- Dem mekboyz can loot anyfing an I mean ANYFING!!
++Previous record has been made of note to Ordo Xenos for immediate actions to be taken. The Emperor Protects++
Ummm, wot woz dat? Zog, I've lost count of da resuns for being an Ork!
- We'z already know everythin' wotz wort' learnin'.
- We'z da 2nd least grimdark race in da galaxy. BUT DA BEZT GREENDARK hur hur hur!
- Da painboyz can fix ya up right'n proppa, even if yer bloody 'ead'z chopped off.
- We'z got da shiniest bitz, or we'z 'bout to krump da git dat does.
- The longa ya fite, the bigga and stronga ya get.
- Teef's legal tenda. Punchin' sum git in da face getz youz a day'z meal.
- All ya ave' tah worry 'bout is: foighin, lootin, speedin, sneakin, or mukin round wif sum technical gubbins ats' wots' used for foighin, lootin, speedin or sneakin. Da grots do da rest.
- If da mekboy can finks it, he can build it.
- An' if he sayz it workz, he's roight.
- We'z da orkz an' dey iz not.
- Dem 'umiez and marine boyz screamin' "FER DA EMPRER", an dem spikey boys yellin' "BLOOD FO' DA BLOOD GOD!" is nofin' kompared to "WAAAAAAAAAGH!"
- Da red wunz will alwayz go fasta.
- Purple iz da sneekiest colah.
- Yello' iz da 'splodiest colah.
- Blu iz da lukiest colah.
- Green iz da orkiest colah.
- I haz a hole in me chest an' a choppa stuck to me leg? Didn' notice it while I wuz krumpin dem spiky boyz.
- Unlike dem 'umiez, greyskins, an' panzees, anyone can be a warboss usin' nofin' more den a choppa an' a litl bit o' dakka.
- Even if all da boyz get krump'd, we'z still win. Da only way da gits can zog us off is by dakkain' da 'ole bludy planet.
- You'z can trade in yer dakka fer moah choppa, or vice versah, and you iz still Orky enuff.
- You'z kan build an army of serial bawkses an' duk' tape an' maybe a bit o' spikez an' bitz and still look reel smart an' orky.
- Rolling a double six with Shokk Attack Gun.
- Some Git shootz 90% of Your squad, but the Nob smackz one boy on the 'ead and everybody iz doing good.
- You'z kan legally talk like a
retardproppa ard' git.
- Giving da boyz a frying pan on the 'ead and a fender on the shoulda makes dem 'arder.
- Putting dem in a fridge makez dem mega'ard.
- You'z kan use every armiez gunz, but none kan use Yourz.
- If you die you get proppa afterlife wiz lotta fighnin' an' booze, instead of being raped by laffin' daemons for eternity.
- Youz don't havta Hate everfink dat's not a Ork.
- You WILL die of laffin' if You play orkz.
- Eiff Edishun iz da horde edishun! We'z can field more boyz dan dem 'humies or bug fingies!
- No matta wot 'appens to da rezt of da galaxy, be it spikey boyz winning, Da 'umiez conkaring all da planetz, da Eldar succezzfully rezurrecting their godz, or da God-Emporer stepping down from 'is potty, you ztill 'ave a 99.99999% chance of surviving in zome capacity. There are Orks living in da Warp for Gorks sake.
- Wez da kannon winnaz of Soulstorm! Dat meanz we krumped dem 'undred baneblade fingys!
- Lastly, an' most importantly, da mane reezun it rokkz ta be an Ork iz dis:
Reasons it sucks to be an OrkEdit
- You're the one species that is actually dumber than humanity.
HERESY!*THUMP* LOK BOSS I GOT MEH WUN UH DEM UMIES!!!!
- Your war cry "WAAAGH!" is overused by everyone. LIEK IF "FOR DA EMPRAH!!!" IZN'T OVERUZZED AZ 'ELL
- No matter how hard you try, you will never achieve enough dakka... and if you did, it'd end up destroying you too. A TRAGGADY, DAT IS!
- Despite having some awesome-looking guns, you can't shoot things for shit. Your standard Ballistic Skill is 2 (which means at best hitting things on a 5+), and when you do shoot somebody successfully it's probably due to sheer volume of bullets more than anything else. YOU SAY DAT LOIKE IT'S A ZOGGIN' BAD FING!
- Your sole purpose in stories is to distract the Space Marines and the Imperial Guard from more dangerous threats like Chaos, Tyranids or Necrons. BUT WE'Z GET TA HAVE A REAL GREAT FIGHT WHILEZ BEIN' A DISTRAKSHUN. SO IT'Z STILL ALL GOOD. ALSO HAV YOU EVEN READ DA BEAST ARISES WE ZOG DEM HUMMIES UP.
- Your army falls apart at the seams the minute your Warboss dies. NAH, WE'S JUST GOT TA FIGURA' OUT WHUZ IN CHARGE NEXT, DAN WE COMES BACK AROUND TA FUMP EM AGAIN!
Hiss! By that time we've NOMNOMNOMNOM'D on you*CRUNCH* ANUDDA 'EAD FER ME POINTY STIKK!
- Anytime you use anything, from your smallest pistol to your largest space ship, you have the same chances of surviving its use as a grot snuggling an overcharged standard issue Imperial Plasma Gun. Offset by the fact you can survive 4th degree burns, decapitation, being septic, and acquiring space tetanus. OY, DOK. WUTZ DIS TETANATHINGY? CAN WE'Z SQUISH ET?
- In Second Ed there was an alarming risk that your entire army might die before the battle actually started because almost no Ork units had sealed armour. ORKZ DUN' NEED ARMER! NOT WEN ORKZ GOT DAKKA!! SMASH DEM GITS WITOUT'IT!
- You have a mushroom and two spore pods dangling between your legs, and Kroot find it a delicacy.
GOOD MEAT BAKKAWW!*THUMP* I DUNNO WUT DIS DUN SAID BUT IT URT ME EYES SO I KRUMPED IT!!!!
- You're part of Squad broken. WELL UH.... ZOGGIT, YOO GOT US DERE.
You haven't had a new codex since 4th edition. And it's starting to show.SHUT IT YA GIT, WE'ZE DA ORKS AND YOU'Z A BUNCH O PANSY GITS! B'SIDES, WE IZ GOING TA GET NEW CODEX DIS 6TH ED! OI BOSS WEZ GOT A SEVENF EDISHUN CODEX BEFORE THE PANSY GITS DID! N NOW WE'Z GOTZ A SHINEY NEW 7 ORK-DITION CODEX-FINGY! ZOGGIN' GORK! DIS EYFF EDISHUN KODEX IS DED KILLY! (And now you don't have a codex anymore.)*CRUNCH* 'AVE YOU 'EARD OF ORKTOBER, HUMIE? Your codex came out in November.
There is a slight chance that Mattard is going to write 6th edition codex. If so, in the next codex you'll read something like this: "The Orks insatiable thirst for violence is, really, just a way of coping with the angst they feel that no matter what they do, they will never be Ultramarines."WHO KEEPS LETTIN' DEZ' HUMIES IN 'ERE! WE'Z BLOODY INFESTED! GET DA BURNAZ! (Also Mattard is apparently too busy with pestering Forge world for more Space marine resin collections to be converted into plastic for the main product line to be bothered with our humble bumbling green skins.)Tipakill 'umie bee'ayevyohr dat iz. Alwayz ignorin' da orky fingz in loif an' only payin' attentchuhn to zoggin' 'umie fingz. Downroight shaymfol dat iz. Da onlee REEL orky 'umie dere iz iz dat Kaptuhn Yarik; Gork - or eh, iz it Mork? - bless 'iz 'eart. (Trust us greenskin, Matt Ward ignoring you is a good thing.) But waznt 'e fired fur being an annoying grot?
I GOT DA BURNAZ!! WE HAVIN A BBQ?? MAKE MINE CRISPY AN DUN FORGET DA EXTRA SQUIG SAUCE
- Orks do not draw psychic power from the Warp, but still take Perils of the Warp. DEM WEIRDBOY GITZ JUST ORK'D TOO 'ARD!
if dere ain't any Stormboyz, yer army k'n get krumped by da Blu Gitz real easy like. No not DEM blue gits The udda ones wif da nice dakka and puny stompas.*CRUNCH* OI! WHO LET DA GROT DO DA TALKIN?! WE JUS' SMASH DEM BLUEBOYZ WIT 'ARE CHOPPAS WHEN WE GET CLOSE, AN' IF DAT DON'T WORK WE JUST MATCH DERE AMOUNT OF DAKKA WIT SOME PRETTY KILLY SHOOTAS. UNLESS DEY SEND DA RED COMMIT THO... GOOD FING DEY GOT RID OF HIM!
- Even doh dere is wun humie dat foights good and ard and iz real ded killy, ee iz da greatest enemy ov da Orkz. *THUNK* DA GREATEST ENNEMY OF DA ORKS IZ DA RED COMMIT! DAT BLUE BOY'S STOMPA IS FREE TIMES FASTA DAN A REGULAR WUN!
You probably dont have a penis. You can piss on Space Marines, only to die a short while later.IZ DAT BAD FING? OOMIEZ SAYZ DAT IT VERY HURTZ WHEN WE 'IT EM IN IT? Wait... Dat what dey call the mushroom'n'spore pods? Poor suckas! Dey have PAIN nerves down dat way? No WONDER dey scream so bad when we kick em there. Even (some) vegetarians will eat youNOT IF WE EAT DEM FIRST! HAH!
- You all piss yourselves at the very mention of the name of a certain Red Armored Swordsman. WE'Z JUST BE SO EXCITED CAUSE DAT BLUE-BOY ACTUALLY PUTS UP A FIGHT!
More so than the Orks did against an old Ethereal with a pointed stick! *KRUMP* SHUT IT YA GREAT LANKY BLUE GROTDat Red Kommit ain't got nottin' on Yarik, da Kommit just has a good choppy bit! Yarik jus' has ta look at ya funni to zog ya! *Thunk* Da Redd Kommit wuz tearin' boyz wif his stompaz' bare 'ands before 'e found da choppa ya grot!
- One of your gods has the voice of Robin Williams. Izzat a bad fing?
- You have to deal with Vance Stubbs fans refusing to admit that they lost Kaurava. The only real defeat is people pretending you never won. BUT DEN WE GETS TA KRUMP DOSE BUTT'URT GITS AN HAV A REEL GUD FIGHT! WATZ DA PROBLEM WIF DAT?
- The Beast
- The War of The Beast
- Ghazghkull Mag Uruk Thraka
- Warboss Gorgutz 'Ead 'Unter
- "Da Tragedy of Hamlet, boss of Denmark" by Shake-da-boss-pole
- Dreadnought List
- Codex Orks: Space Odin Edition
- Ork Gunz
- Deff Skwadron
- Da Chopshop
- Ork Trek
- Ironjawz for one of their Age of Sigmar counterparts.
- Da Ork Song
- Dem Ork Boyz Song
|Playable Factions in Warhammer 40,000|
|Imperium:||AdMech:||Adeptus Mechanicus - Mechanicus Knights|
|Army:||Imperial Guard - Imperial Knights - Imperial Navy - Militarum Tempestus - Space Marines|
|Inquisition:||Inquisition - Sisters of Battle - Deathwatch - Grey Knights|
|Other:||Adeptus Custodes - Adeptus Ministorum - Death Cults - Officio Assassinorum - Sisters of Silence|
|Chaos:||Chaos Daemons - Chaos Space Marines - Lost and the Damned - Renegade Knights|
|Xenos:||Aeldari:||Dark Eldar - Eldar - Eldar Corsairs - Harlequins - Ynnari|
|Tyranids:||Genestealer Cults - Tyranids|
|Others:||Necrons - Orks - Tau|