PROMOTIONS-small.pngThis article contains PROMOTIONS! Don't say we didn't warn you.

Chem-Chan (Miley Cyrus in SPHESS), real name Greta Knox, is a guardswoman of Savlar Chem Dogs penal legion. She is typically seen as a alcohol/drug/sex fiend because of her "trashy" personality and look. Often seen with orks, a blond commissar Acatha Kelly (her blonde sidekick wearing a Commissar-lookalike hat), and/or a tau girl who seems to be allergic to clothes in fanart.

She is frequently the target of Rule 34, recently culminating in "Chem-Chan Gets Knotted," which can be found at

Write FaggotryEdit

Imperial Guard Blues:Edit

"What are these?"

The xeno girl's voice was eager and playful. Knox stretched languidly before wiggling her digits at her erstwhile companion. "Toes", she said wearily, amused by the expression of curiosity her trench-buddy wore.

"Can I... can I touch them?" A moment of silence passed between the two. The Tau girl could feel her cheeks turning deep blue with embarrassment at having asked such an inappropriate question, but as she opened her mouth to apologize, Knox shrugged and responded, "Sure".

Biting her lower lip, she took the human's odd plantigrade appendage into her clumsy hands, running her fingers over the pale flesh. She had to suppress a giggle as the scavenger girl squirmed uncomfortably. Apparently, humans could be ticklish, too.

Knox pulled her foot out of the xeno's prying hands. "Right, that's enough of that." Knox went on undressing. The trenches in this place were unbearably hot, and she wasn't about to undress in front of Miffgrod. She wasn't completely sure that Ork brains worked like human brains in that respect, but she wasn't in the mood to find out. At least she was fairly certain that this Xeno was a girl, and likely wouldn't try anything perverse. Strange, though; the blue girl looked kind of disappointed.

The Tau was in the middle of removing her own armor. Knox took notice of how slight her figure was, and wondered how such a slip of a girl -- and one so obviously young besides -- could ever have become a soldier in the first place. Of course, it wasn't like she had ever pictured herself becoming a soldier when she was back in the Hive, either. She sighed audibly, and the xeno girl tilted her head and looked at her with big, curious eyes, as if to silently ask "what's wrong". Knox offered nothing by way of explanation. Just then she noticed she hadn't managed to get much more other than her top and one of her boots off, while her unlikely companion had already stripped down to her undergarments. The day, spent running from both Miffgrod's brutish brethren and the Chem Dog's former Guard allies, had really taken its toll, and the heat really wasn't making it any easier to stay awake. She felt so very tired, like she could just pass out right there, half-dressed. . .

"Fuck it," she said to no one in particular; "I'll sleep like this."

The Tau smirked as the human started snoring noisily almost immediately. The human hadn't even taken off that silly mask.

Knox awoke to an oddly familiar sound, but in her present state, delirious and half-asleep as she was, she couldn't even begin to guess what it might be. No sign of the alien she had been sharing the trench with, though the xenos' kit still lay a scant distance away. She patted the dry earth around her, groping in the dark, hoping that she might find one of her own weapons without drawing any attention to herself. The first thing she felt was the cool, smooth surface of the short-pattern lasrifle she had appropriated a few days ago (from a Cadian that wouldn't be needing it anymore), but she decided against taking it. If she fired the damn thing, the noise would just draw the attention of other unseen attackers.

She briefly considered just making a run for it without bothering to assess the threat, but scrambling around blindly in the dark without knowing the nature of the enemy would likely just get her killed. Either way, she'd have to leave everything she'd 'acquired' on this trip behind if she was going to beat feet. She eyed the Tau girl's xenotech longingly; that sort of thing would net her quite a few thrones, especially amongst the more pragmatic Guard veterans.

But if there was one thing she had learned in her time scavenging out here, it was that discretion was always the better part of valor, and if it came down to the goods or your own life, well, then salvage be damned. She certainly wouldn't get far weighed down by spoils.

Finally her hand touched the hilt of her trusty Orksticker. It was somewhere under her discarded top, still in its sheath. She drew the knife quietly. The well-crafted ceramic blade reflected no light. She wasn't nearly as stealthy as one of those Catachans, but she was confident she'd be able to see the enemy without them seeing her -- not that her self-assurances kept her heart from forming a lump in her throat. She drew a deep breath, swallowed the lump down as best she could, and began to creep quietly towards the source of the noise. As she drew nearer and nearer to the sound that woke her, the more it sounded like... faint moaning? And something... wet.

Shlick, shlick, shlick. She recognized that sound from her own lonely late nights, moments before she saw the one responsible. It was that alien she had fallen asleep next to, and she was... well, she was certainly enjoying herself. One of the Tau girl's hands was groping at one of her own breasts, while the other rubbed expertly at her dripping, xeno sex. The faint moonlight reflected off of her sweat-covered body, the way it hadn't reflected off of the dark surface of Knox's knife, giving her smooth, blue skin an oily sheen.

The Tau seemed oblivious to her presence -- some soldier, she caught herself thinking. The scent, Knox then noticed with some alarm, was strong enough to penetrate her mask, but then... she found it pleasant. No, maybe 'pleasant' was the wrong word; It was positively intoxicating. Perhaps, as a trained soldier in service to the Emperor, she should have been worrying about how easily the alien's sexual musk might attract creatures with stronger senses of smell, but for whatever reason, she just couldn't bring herself to care. Instead, she continued to watch in silence. Three slender fingers and a thumb, working in perfect harmony, teasing, rubbing, and penetrating. Knox barely noticed that her own hand was straying ever lower.

Knox's fingers slipped past the frustratingly tight waistband of her shorts. She had been putting on a few pounds recently, since her luck had turned and she had found that cache of rations. As Miffgrod had infuriatingly pointed out, it was getting harder and harder for Knox to slip in and out of her trousers. She gritted her teeth and undid her belt with one hand, hoping that the sound wouldn't interrupt the Tau. She let out a soundless breath as she finished. She dare not slip off her shorts completely, in case the Tau took notice of her.

Knox's fingers felt, in her mind, stiff and clumsy, unable to match the Tau's technique, but she allowed her imagination to tempt her with thoughts of the xenos' slender digits caressing her, in place of her own. The Tau girl was picking up her pace, the ground beneath her wet with her own lubrication, her tiny breaths growing shorter and more ragged. Knox watched intently, enraptured by the sight of it. Briefly, she wondered what the Commissar responsible for her old unit might say, were he still alive. As the Tau's body began to quiver with orgasm, the thought of her old enemy was pushed from her mind as quickly as it had entered.

The Tau let out a loud moan, not caring if she announced her presence to a roving band of Orks, or to a patrol of Guardsmen. All the former Chem Dog could think about was how she had failed to reach her own climax, and let out another weary sigh. She watched as the Tau girl's breathing took on a steadier rhythm, closing her big, lovely, dark eyes, and curling her knees to her chest. Knox suddenly felt a pang of guilt for spying on her, and she never felt guilty for... well, for anything. Knox decided to turn, and stealthily take her leave before her young companion noticed that she had had an audience, and took offense. Honestly, Knox wasn't sure just how shy the people of her culture might be. She had seemed fit to blush herself purple earlier when...

She suddenly found her train of thought interrupted by the feeling of something very soft pressing against her back. She felt the hot breath of her assailant on her neck as a whisper touched her ear, sending shivers down her spine. "Did you enjoy the show, gue'la? Perhaps this time you'd like to participate?"